Welcome to the Family...

My Mom, Me, and my Dad at my H.S graduation 2009

Everyone was getting ready to start school I would be commuting this year, because I wanted to be with my mom as much as I possibly could. Jenna and my mom were starting to get things ready for a new school year at the preschool, but most importantly we were starting to get things ready for the puppy. Mom never complained about how she was feeling so we took that as a good sign. Nate and Amanda's wedding was getting closer and closer. The Sunday before Labor Day my Mom Dad, Jenna, and I went to our good friends house for dinner. It was the first time seeing them in a long time. We had a great time, and ate wonderful food. For some reason on the ride home my mom was very quiet. We got home, and she went right to bed. Something wasn't right, she didn't feel good, and it was evident. From that point on mom was not eating like she usually did. When she ate she got stomach aches and things just did not seem right. On September 12, she went in to talk to her oncologist, her new scan showed the tumor had not spread or grown (YAY!) but her bile duct was blocked. Just to be clear the pancreas is in probably the most complicated areas in the body, there are so  many things around it. She was scheduled to go in for an endoscopy to see what was going on. On September 14 (Less than a month away from the wedding) my dad brought my mom in to get the endoscopy procedure done. They were going to try to put a replaced stent in (to help everything flow back and forth so things wouldn't get stuck), but the area was too inflamed. Not only was this a problem, but the doctors saw a small hole in the small bowel which could lead to alot of problems. The only option would be for her to have an external drain for bile duct. My mom was SO UPSET. This meant she would have the drain for Nathan's wedding. She cried to me when she got home, but i tried to tell her that we can make it would no one will notice, we can figure something out. This was one of those times that my moms illness was very evident to everyone, and showed that the little things, like having an external drain bothered my mom so much. She never ever complained, but with this she did, she was mad, upset, annoyed, depressed anything you could think of thats how she felt. Its hard to say you understand, but there is a part of you as a caregiver to a person with cancer, that feels everything they feel, so I will say I understand how she felt. But once again, mom forged on like a warrior and tried to make the best of the situation. The next day September 15 my moms mood quickly changed. On that day we went and picked up our new fury friend Maverick! He was so small, and cute. We were all smiles, and once again...it felt normal in our house. 

Maverick Welcomed into our home September 15, 2012 (SO much bigger now)

"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

Summertime fading...but good news was coming

My Dad, Nathan, Jenna, my Mom, and I in Bologna Italy 2003

As we morned the loss of our beloved dog Sherman, we all had to continue moving forward. For me it was really hard. I was miserable coming home and not having our "smiling" dog come greeting me, or have someone to sit outside with me when I came home from work. I started researching puppies and one afternoon suggested the idea to my mom. She was a little iffy at first, but when I explained to her that we need happiness in our life, and we all know that Sherman brought us happiness everyday she kind of understood. My moms cancer was like the elephant in the room. Though she never acted like that, we all knew it was there, and we all knew what it would/could eventually do to her. Sherman somehow someway always made her feel better, and made every member in my family feel better. After some cute pictures of golden retriever pups, my mom was sold. She was the easy one, my dad on the other hand did not want any part of getting a new dog. I found a great breeder not too far from us in Bridgewater MA and they had only MALE puppies left! It was a complete sign. I tried to convince my dad, but he still wanted no part. He wanted to wait until after my brothers wedding, but by then this litter wouldn't be available! Finally my mom put her two cents in. She said to my dad "You know Steve it would be nice for me to have some time with the new puppy" for the first time EVER she played the CANCER card. GO MOM! My dad caved.  The breeder wanted us to go and meet the puppies before we said yes, and my dad agreed to this, but was not 100%. On Thursday August 30th my Mom, Dad, Jenna, and I went and visited the puppies. They were adorable. We held them and played with them. At the end my dad was sold, and put a deposit down for us to pick up our puppy Saturday September 15th! We were ecstatic. Things were starting to look up! My mom was feeling good, and we were going to have the pitter patter of paws in our home again. It is important to know that we were not trying to replace Sherman. Sherman will NEVER EVER be able to be replaced, we were simply trying to find the happiness of another four legged friend....

Nathan, Me, Jenna and Sherman our 2004 Christmas Card

"Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is somethingyou design into the present."

A Happy Occasion followed by a Sad event..

This post is going to be one of the most challenging posts to write.

Jenna, my cousins Kristelle, Mera, Me,Amanda,my cousin Elyce, my Aunt, and my Mom at the Shower

My mom began her process of chemo every other week, and  was handling it very well. She was hard at work finalizing the Bridal Shower for Amanda. We decided on a beach theme since we live near the Ocean and it was summer time. Also, we were having it at my moms favorite restaurant in town, which was right on the water. 

Everything was coming together and on Saturday August 18, 2012 my mom threw Amanda and Nathan the most beautiful Ocean themed Bridal shower. (I may be slightly biased) Down to the drink list my mom planned everything out. Being as sick as she was, she was so happy for Nathan and Amanda, and wanted to celebrate this special time with them. She looked wonderful and so happy. She was able to catch up with old friends, and family. Every single woman who walked into that restaurant was shocked when they saw how good my mom looked. She was so sick, yet she looked like she was as healthy as could be. She accomplished yet another goal! She not only planned a beautiful shower, but she was able to enjoy the day! She was tired after the long afternoon, but once again NEVER once showed any signs of slowing down. She was ready to fight this cancer head on, and now was even more determined to make it to Nathan and Amanda's wedding on October 13, 2012.

Deborah, Mom, and Donna at the Shower

After a wonderful weekend, everyone was back to their routine Monday morning. We all went back to work (including my mom), but for some reason our beloved family pet Sherman didn't seem like he was feeling well. He wouldn't eat breakfast in the morning for my mom which was very unusual, and barely moved when I left for work. 

I came home from work around 1:30PM and Sherman was still in the same spot from when I left, and didn't get up when I walked in the door (that was extremely weird). I thought maybe he had to go out since he was laying by the back door so I let him out. He climbed our steps in the backyard slowly, and once he made it to the top stood still. Then he all of a sudden started swaying back and forth, and then collaspsed. I let out the loudest most horrifying scream ever. I picked him up sat him down, and frantically ran inside to call my Dad and my mom. Our decision was that my dad and my mom were both going to leave work and meet me at Sherman's vet. I picked Sherman up and carried him all the way to my car. I thought I was going to loose him on the way there. When we got to the vet Sherman wouldn't move he was carried in by my dad and started on IV fluids right away. They did an ultra sound to see what could be the cause, and found what everyone feared. Sherman had cancer. By the time we had caught it it was already in his spleen, liver, and around his heart. There was nothing we could do. We called Jenna at work and told her to come to the vet. We decided the best thing for Sherman was to put him to sleep. He had shared 9 wonderful years with us, and we did not want to see him suffer, it was not a time for us to be selfish. He was my first dog, my best friend, always there for me when I needed him. I remember thinking how mad I was at cancer, first attacking my mom and making her fight for her life, and then taking my dog away from me in the matter of minutes. When my mom said goodbye to Sherman she said something I will never forget. "Goodbye Pal, I will see you up there soon". Putting a pet to sleep is a very hard thing to do. Our hearts were heavy leaving the vet, but deep down we new we did the best thing for our pal Sherman. I hope you're chasing those Cats up at the rainbow bridge Shermy buddy. Love and miss you forever.

Sherman June 4, 2003-August 20, 2012

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

- Josh Billings